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It’s a parenting style that seriously divides opinion (if you haven’t seen the viral TikTok video on the topic about the difference between millennial and baby boomer parenting check it out here) and has been the subject of much discussion lately about how successful it is and how it affects both children and parents.
Whether you’re pregnant and considering using the method from the start, want to integrate some of its four pillars into your current parenting style, or are simply intrigued as to whether it works or not, our guide below will help you learn everything you need to know. need about gentle parenting and whether it’s right for your family.
Gentle parenting (also known as positive parenting or conscious parenting) is a parenting style favored by millennial mothers and fathers who want to help their children learn to take responsibility for themselves and teach them emotional independence from an early age.
Renowned parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who is often considered the founder of the gentle parenting movement, says parenting style can be summed up in just four words: empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries. It is a way of parenting that always takes your child’s feelings into account, shows respect, shows understanding and introduces boundaries and rules that are consistently adhered to.
Rather than the parent taking charge of the child, gentle parenting is seen more as a partnership between parent and child, where the parent models good behavior and then gives their child some freedom to learn and make the right choices.
As the name suggests, gentle parenting is about remaining calm as a parent and not ruling your children harshly or meting out punishments. Instead, parents who use this approach prefer communication and strong connections to make joint decisions about appropriate behavior.
Gentle parenting is easy to learn and integrate into your life (although often much harder to maintain!) because it revolves around four simple pillars:
As they apply each of these pillars to their parenting style, gentle parents must also constantly keep the three C’s in mind: Connection, communication And Coherence.
Examples of ways you can integrate gentle parenting into family life include:
There are many benefits to gentle parenting for both parent and child. For starters, it can be a much more enjoyable parenting experience, requiring less yelling and discipline, and therefore subsequent feelings of guilt or regret. Because a gentler parent is likely to be a happier parent, their children will also feel happy, have higher self-esteem and self-worth, and feel safer sharing any problems with their parents. The bond between a gentle parent and his child is probably much closer and stronger than that between an authoritarian parent and his child.
There have been a number of studies on the benefits of parenting, including one study showing that gentle parenting helped shy children regulate their responses in social situations and therefore reduced anxiety.1. Another study shows that without kind and positive parenting early in a child’s life, they are less likely to grow up to be happy, independent and resilient adults.2
Other benefits reported from a more collaborative and gentle parenting style include children learning empathy and kindness from an early age, doing the right thing because they don’t want to because they fear punishment or want a reward, being more independent and resourceful , and perform better at school.
There are also numerous health benefits to gentle parenting, including children being less likely to become obese, develop eating disorders, smoke, keep secrets, be violent, use drugs and have mental health disorders.
It all sounds completely idyllic: happy parents, happy children and one big, happy family. Well, we all know that in reality, parenting isn’t as simple as sticking to four pillars and staying calm, and like anything related to raising children, there are challenges. The most common challenge with the gentle parenting method is that it is time-consuming, hard work and takes a lot of effort to maintain and maintain consistency. Linked to this is the need to teach yourself very quickly to regulate your own emotions and to constantly think about the behavior you are modeling for your children.
Other challenges with this parenting style are that it can be seen as permissive and lacking structure and discipline, which can lead to poor behavior and problems for children who respond better to strict boundaries and rules. It can also put a lot of pressure on parents who are trying to adopt a parenting style that they did not grow up with, that does not feel natural to them and that has been idealized on social media, leading to guilt and failure.
Another problem with gentle parenting is knowing how to respond to challenging behavior when your child is not engaging with the method, and your attempts to get him or her to “make the right choice” and keep messing around or misbehaving. Some children may not respond well to a gentle approach and may need more guidance and leadership when it comes to teaching positive behavior.
Every family is different with a mix of personalities, dynamics, schedules and values, so gentle parenting is a method that may not work for everyone. There are a number of factors to consider before adopting this parenting style, including:
References:
1. Gentle parental encouragement promotes shy toddlers’ regulation in social contextsJessica Stoltzfus Grady, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, October 2019
2. The importance of early bonding for children’s long-term mental health and resilience, Winston R, Chicot R, London J Prim Care (Abingdon). February 2016
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